friday fiction – the story of felicity washington

the girl was so full of life before it was beaten and choked out of her; the parents she adored were not her biological parents; they were murdered by two seemingly upstanding members of the locale, though secretly part of the underground polyamorous and polysexual satanist community, they handed round homemade cakes to the congregation but all the while masturbated in their church, defiled the holy water with their seminars, he the proprietor of ‘satan’s sex store’ and all the while a member of a number of philanthropic boards; she the keeper of an indefineably gruesome whorehouse; beams as naked and splintered as its inhabitants; recruiting wife and mother, sister and daughter; a collector of lost souls extraordinaire, and the baker of the tastiest cherry pie this side of the tallahassee bridge; she adored her brothers, though neither of whom excelled at college, too busy burying bodies and setting traps around the homestead, but they always found time for a wholesome game of football; and of course her horse ‘persephone’, ridden daily to the giant oak on old slothrop’s farm, under which she now lies silent, and would but the single visitor’s weekly replenishment of fresh, vibrant flowers halt the once beautiful decomposing body; no matter what joy and vitality music gives you, we all just dance our way to a morgue drawer

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  1. Wow…that is awesome.

  2. Grim but there’s humour there, very good stuff

    • thank you very much; i think it’s quite interesting to see what people cut out and keep in their stories; it can make quite a difference on the end product

  3. well done. I like the way you presented it. mine is here:

    • well thank you, linda; that version could’ve gone on for quite some time! glad you liked it

  4. Very dark, with that witty second story telling something else entirely – not unlike tabloid journalists…

    My story is nearly 200 words this week:

    • witty is perhaps a little strong for the tabloids but i know what you mean, and i think you let the broadsheet lot off too lightly also – i’m generalising of course; i don’t read the papers

      thanks for commenting

  5. i know there’s a good story in there, but those lines give me a headache. no fault of yours of course. my eyes are darting back and forth, trying to read and re-read what i’m supposed to but not supposed to read/know. it’s just my old eyes.

    • would you think ill of me if i admitted the only reason i wrote this was to ache your head? i considered making the unedited bold but thought that would just be too easy……thanks for putting in the effort though

      • oh, i totally respect what you were going for. the effect of having something to say but not being sure if you should say it. holding back, then not holding back. squeezing out a few words hesitantly. the concept is great, but visually i couldn’t do it. i’m sure everyone else had no trouble. very creative move that i never would have thought of.

      • thank you that means a lot; it’s all well and good having the idea, it’s pulling it off that counts; it seems i definitely got some way there at least

      • good. i didn’t want you to feel you did a bad job. it was just an unusual thing that probably worked for everyone else except my old eyes. also, i’m tired of the people who use the line-out thing in their blog posts. i’m sure it was cool the first ten times it was done, but by now i’m tired of it. however, that’s not what you were doing, i realize that.

      • it made me laugh so it’s a success – i’m quite simple really

        i haven’t been doing this as long as you so must admit i haven’t come across the line-out thing more than once! i thought it was quaintly done, it let me know such a thing existed, and it gave me the idea……though too much quaint can drag

      • people will write things like this: oh my annoying (and annoying will be lined out, and the after annoying is) my very structured boss wants me to blah blah blah” so it’s a way of saying something without saying it but they’re really saying it. when i find an example, i’ll send you a link.

      • i can see how that could become quite tedious……link away though

  6. I found it hard to attempt to read just the unmarked text, so I went back and read the entire bit. Luckily I had just refreshed my coffee so my eyes felt less fatigued.

    If you enjoy dark, perhaps you will enjoy mine.

    • it wasn’t meant to be the simplest thing to read; i don’t think one should always aim to make the effort required to read something greater than that required to write it, but this time i had my sadist socks on

      i love the dark, i’m sure i’ll enjoy yours

  7. There’s no question of skimming through your work, is there? Another startlingly different piece to reflect your ‘out of the box’ approach. Would I say nice one? Probably more like ‘interesting’ one.

    • thank you sandra, ‘interesting’ is fine by me, and like i say it wasn’t designed to be skimmed through… asked to be read fully from the off

      looking forward to yours

  8. TheOthers1

     /  4 May, 2012

    First of all, cool idea. I immediately started reading the undeleted section thinking you were just exing out the rest because you didn’t feel like erasing. I realized what you really did halfway through. Second, clever, very clever.

    My link:

    • well thank you very much indeed; cool and clever, i think i like you…..

      i don’t know the best way to read it in order to have maximum impact as i read it quite a few times, but i think you read it my favourite way

  9. This is great! I read it with and without the cuts. It was like peaking behind the curtain, a lesson on what can be lost in cutting too much as well as building suspense.

    Here’s mine:

    • thank you teschoenborn – great name by the way – be careful what’s behind that curtain though, it could be a debate in church; or is that a contradiction in terms

      on my way to your gig soon

  10. Outside-the-Box is an understatement. Genius how you eliminated words to tell an entirely different “facade” story as opposed to the reality. Well done


    • ‘genius’! you could be my new favourite, thank you kindly; i aimed to get the two stories as pretty far from each other as possible – debauched to sweet was my outline – i reckon it worked

  11. Hey, this is like, do you see the faces or the vase, but with words! Good idea!

    And here’s mine:

    • now if i could get the edited and unedited words to look like the vase faces as they ran down the page that would be something….

      thanks for the comment

  12. I like that there are two ways to read this. I’d have preferred it paragraphed — easier to read — but it was funny reading the crossed out parts (which I always do). 🙂

  13. Who was is that said, “The sign of a true writer is one that can take a well trod concept and make it their own”? That is what you did here. Regardless of anything else you entertained and presented something different. I very much enjoyed this one.
    Here is mine
    By the way no one should live in a box, they burn too easily.

    • why thank you amanda gray – true writer – praise indeed, i’m glad you enjoyed it, and may i recommend you try building your boxes out of the new wonder-material that is asbestos; you can burn it all day long should the fancy take you

  14. Madison Woods

     /  5 May, 2012

    I liked the demonstration of propriety. What people say and do is so rarely what they’d *like* to say and do, for whatever reason. That was an interesting tactic.

    • thank you madison, in truth i was just trying to be clever, but it does go to show an extreme form of what biting one’s tongue is able to cover up, for whatever reason; but like your story – a fatalism befalling us all at some stage or another – sometimes saying and not saying make no odds

      i liked your story; whilst initially devoid of hope, one does get the feeling that she’ll land on her feet somewhere

  15. There are so many ways you could read this… it is mind boggling… I am obviously not done…

    • it was fun to write; i could’ve gone darker and more depraved but then i’d start getting those funny visions again….

  16. I’m not sure there are enough adjectives to describe how great this is.


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