a short conversation on the alphabet

“so i’m gonna start with ‘a’….are we all in agreement with that? i know you had some misgivings john, but i think we’ve decided that beginning with ‘q’ is just a little crass and “inyaface” – to use a colloquialism – and whenever something is described it is most often referred to as ‘a something’ or ‘an something’ anyway, so it just kinda makes sense…

“good; one down, twenty-five to go, enjoying it so far?”

“very much, may i have q glass of water please?”

“of course, carl slide the jug down would you?”

“thank you”

“now, second letter, big consensus on this one; ‘b’…….all in favour of ‘b’? john, i think you’re now in agreement that the flow to ‘w’ from ‘q’ was too much of a mouthful, and didn’t really give the simple and punchy start to the alphabet that we were aiming for; we are trying to sell this after all…..?”


“super, now, frank, your pet project was letters three to seven…..how’d you get on?”


“…………well, what?”

“well, mike, sir?”

“what are your letters?”

“c, d, e, f, g”

“excellent, can’t find fault with those, next-”

“i have an alternative suggestion”

“do you, john”

“yes; e, r, t, y, u”

“sounds foreign”

“oh for fucarry on”

“grand, now, for the next four letters i have taken a particular interest, and before you come up with something crazy, john, like i, o, p, a, or some such nonsense, i happen to know that the man who makes the final decision for one of the big bidders for this thing, is named joel kinsela, so as a little sweetener – or “hello”, if you will – i’ve opted for h, i, j, k, and i think all of sound mind will agree that this is the best way to go; nothing too overtly bribaricious

“all in favour say, ay”

“those not in favour; what do we say?”

“”those not in favour; what do we say?” it seems”

“quiet winds entice; ropes tie your useless indulgences out past ages suffered; death follows; gallows hum justly, kindly like zephyrs; xanax curbs violent bursts no more”

“it’s only the bloody alphabet, john”


the above nonsense was inspired by this writing challenge of the equiatic bind – please let it not be a reflection on the latter


flash fiction – venus in wire

Another barbed comment darts easily from gregor’s hateful, insipid jaw, – kindly leave me now, opining pitifully, quoting robert shaw, though understanding vice will xerox yearning zestfully; zakat yields xanthoma whereas vicious, unctuous, terse sadism reaps quintessence; palpable opulence neither man likes, killer jackdaws infiltrating however, governmentally funded establishments, drinking crudely blood and acid before cadavers degenerate, eternally frightened guards huddling, incessantly jabbering kakariki loping maliciously never once proposing quietude; resulting sickness turns up variable widespread xenoglossia; young zhukov’s zeroth year’s xebec wishing verisimilitude ultimately towards sailing, rather queer position one notes; maybe lascivious kaiserdom justifies itself, having garishly flavoured every dead creature’s bitter aether